The Self
Self-Esteem, Self-Worth & Self-Knowledge
How well do you actually know yourself?
Not who you've been told you should be. Not who other people need you to be. Not your roles, responsibilities, accomplishments or mistakes.
You.
Many women reach adulthood—and sometimes midlife—without ever developing a really solid relationship with themselves.
You may be highly capable and still doubt yourself constantly. You may accomplish something and immediately minimize it. You might compare yourself to other women and always seem to come up short.
Perhaps criticism stays with you far longer than praise. You look to other people for reassurance before trusting your own judgment. Or there's simply a nagging feeling that everyone else somehow knows how to do life better than you do.
Self-esteem isn't the whole story
We often use self-esteem and self-worth interchangeably, but there's an important difference.
Self-esteem can fluctuate. We may feel good about ourselves when we're succeeding and terrible about ourselves when we're struggling.
Self-worth goes deeper.
It's the belief that your value as a person isn't something you have to continually earn through achievement, appearance, productivity, relationships or other people's approval.
And underneath both is self-knowledge—knowing who you are.
What matters to you? What do you like? What do you believe? What are your strengths? What do you want more of? What are you no longer willing to accept? What kind of person do you want to be?
Those questions can be surprisingly difficult to answer when you've spent much of your life looking outward instead of inward.
What we can work on together
Therapy gives us the opportunity to understand where your beliefs about yourself came from and whether they're actually true.
We may explore the messages and experiences that shaped how you see yourself, the critical voice you've internalized, perfectionism or comparison, and the tendency to dismiss your strengths while magnifying your shortcomings.
But this isn't only about changing negative thoughts.
We'll also work on getting to know you.
Your values. Your strengths. Your preferences. Your needs. Your interests. Your capabilities. Your hopes for yourself.
We'll work on building self-trust through experience—making decisions, listening to your own judgment, following through for yourself and learning that you can rely on you.
Becoming more solid in yourself
The goal isn't endless confidence.
Everyone doubts themselves sometimes.
It's something steadier: a more secure sense of who you are and what you're worth.
You may become less dependent on approval to know whether you're okay. More willing to try something without knowing you'll succeed. Better able to recover when you make a mistake. More confident making decisions. Less interested in measuring your life against somebody else's.
And perhaps you'll begin treating yourself with the same patience, fairness and generosity you've so readily offered other people.
Because liking yourself isn't vanity.
Knowing your worth isn't arrogance.
And trusting yourself isn't something you're either born with or you're not.
These are things we can build.
